Overcoming the fear of missing out..

F.O.M.O, the fear of missing out, refers to the feeling or perception that others are having more fun, living better lives, or experiencing better things than you are. This deep sense of envy affects self-esteem and is often aroused by posts seen on social media websites.

This fear of missing out affects people’s lives differently. We live in this social media age where everyone’s lives just look perfect online and we try to portray the image that we are constantly living our best lives, which realistically, may not be the case. When you are motivated by this fear of missing out you find yourself in a comparison trap, constantly looking at what others are doing and not wanting to be left out. Some people end up trying to live a lifestyle that is not authentic or healthy for them financially and mentally. Instead of finding inspiration they may begin to envy, obsess and lose precious time scrolling through social media, leading them to feel low or depressed because they feel other people’s lives are better than theirs. Its easy to become sucked in this ruthless cycle.

Define your goals and be productive. In order to overcome this fear, its important to firstly define your goals and plans then start working towards them. By having a clear vision for your life, it becomes easier to notice when you start making choices that do not align with your goals. When you have your priorities in check you will find yourself not worrying about what others are doing as you will find satisfaction in knowing that you are not missing out or anything if you’re focusing on your big goals. By being productive, you will feel a sense of achievement in knowing that you are making steps in the right direction.

Create a budget. Its so important to create a budget and stick with it. Whenever you start feeling like you’re missing out and want to do the most, your budget will hold you back and remind you to calm the f down. Its always important to note that many people are living beyond their means in order showcase a certain lifestyle and others get paid to make it look like they are living that lifestyle. Creating a budget allows you to be real with yourself and makes you assess what’s important for you.

Reward yourself. Do something for yourself at least once a month. Make sure to put that down in your budget, because as much as we want to focus on our goals, it is also important to reward ourselves on the small steps we take. The point is not only to enjoy the destination but to make our journey fun and interesting. You could explore fun activities that do not require you to spend money and these can include exploring your city, visiting the art gallery or going for a picnic.

Spend time with friends and family. It’s important for you to have some quality company, not only is it refreshing but it will do wonders for your mental health. Making sure you spend time with friends or family at least once a month will give you some down time to laugh and talk without focusing on day to day stress or glued to your phone screen.

Take social media break. Occasionally taking a social media break gives you a chance to recharge, refocus and redefine your goals without being bombarded with ads, influencers and other people’s wins. After every social media break, you should always cleanse your pages by removing any accounts you follow that do not make you feel good or help you to align with your goals.

Remember no one shows off their loses on social media, be yourself and do whatever it takes to protect your mental health, you’re not missing out on anything if you’re working on your goals. So focus darhlings!

Love Nothando x

Know yourself

It’s extremely important to know who you are and what you stand for because when times get difficult not only will your sense of self get tested, but your values too. Knowing yourself blocks out all the unnecessary noise and reminds you of who you are without the doubt, failures and rejection. It creates a compass for when you need to pick yourself up and try again or move on to something else.

My level up journey began when I was going through a difficult time in my life. Although I had a very clear vision of the woman I wanted to be, I really felt like I was faced with so many obstacles at each turn that prevented me from being that phenomenal woman. Whenever I was hit with rejection or an obstacle, I would wallow in self pity for a few hours, maybe cry or do the ‘why me’ shout. But then I’d stop myself, I only had a few hours to feel bad then its back to the drawing board. This is a natural part of my character and I understand it may be more difficult for some. To make this process easier, cry, scream, shout or take a walk, do what you have to do to release your frustrations then meditate, pray or just take a nap. I mean it. When you feel overwhelmed, sometimes all you need to do is just sleep and yes, you will wake up with your problems still there waiting for you but sleep will calm you down.

Now here’s the important part, after you’re awake, remind yourself who the f you are. Remind yourself of all the obstacles you’ve overcome, all the badass moves you’ve ever made. I, like many others, believe in God, the Universe, a higher power. You’ve been guided through all these scary times so what changes now? While your mood is feeling somewhat lifted, this is the time to remind yourself of the goals you are trying to reach. You know deep down you can do it because when you made the goals you believed you could, if you didn’t you would have forgotten about them by now and living a very basic life and definitely not reading this level up blog. So give yourself, your guardian angels and God some credit! Revisit those goals, envision yourself again and again, you will smile because your goals will start to feel in your reach.

When it comes to knowing yourself, please understand that others may not share the same visions for your life as you do, so the thoughts, visions and goals you will have about your life may seem crazy, unrealistic or plain stupid to them. Remember, it’s not their goal to reach, it’s yours. Your plans for your life are personal, only for you so don’t expect someone else to see things the way you see things, it’s just simply not their plans. When you share your ideas always be prepare to be swayed and told to reach lower. Knowing yourself allows you to stand firm in who you are and the goals you intend to reach. When you face setbacks, you will want to share with the same people as they may be your family or friends who genuinely care for you and again be prepared to be told to give up or reach for lower goals that do not point you in the direction of who you want to become. I’ve had times when I’ve received a rejection letter for a really good job that would do wonders for my career and instead of my friend or family to tell me to apply for similar jobs elsewhere they would ask me to apply for a ridiculously lower position and that would leave me wondering if that’s actually how they view me and if that’s where they think I’m suited to be in life. But I don’t take things like that to heart, they are only trying to help after all. Just be thankful and do what you think is best for you, trust me they will be waiting to see the results.

 As an individual, if you do not know who you are, your values, your goals and what you stand for in this world, you will be swayed in any direction. You will find yourself living the life you never wanted and years will go by and you will see you’re nowhere near reaching your goals. It’s so important to constantly remind yourself of your value, your strength and your wins so that when times get rough you may feel sad but you will not be moved to change your direction or lower your goals. The only way is up darhlings!

Love Nothando x

How To Effectively Set Your Goals…

“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your blessings”

Write down your goals. When it comes to setting goals you have to be extremely clear about what you want and why you want it, in the utmost detail. Writing down your goals is the first step to effectively reaching them. When you are sure about what you want and put it down in writing, you increase the odds of achieving it. The Universe simply has no choice but to bring it to you. The Law of Attraction tells us that ‘like attracts like’ and the moment you sit down and put your dreams or goals on paper, you are consciously making the declaration and setting the intention.

Be specific. What do you want? Why do you want it? Does it have purpose and do you have a purpose? How badly do you want it? Are you willing to fight, sometimes surrender to be who you want to become or get what you want? At this point many people let fear creep in and they become scared to dream big because somehow the goal may seem unattainable. Perhaps it may look like it will take too long or it’s just too big. I urge you to dream big no matter how crazy or how unrealistic it may seem. Always make sure you ask yourself why you want something, eliminate the need to do something because of other people, competition or whats trending.

Visualise. See yourself with what you want, living that dream, living in your purpose. How does it feel? Are you fulfilled and what does that look like? See yourself. You are worthy. Yes, know deeply in your heart that you are worthy of reaching that goal. If in doubt, fake it. Fake it until it really begins to feel real. Feel the happiness, feel all the highs of living your dream or reaching your goals… feel it like it’s already happened.

Gratitude. Be in a state of gratitude. Be thankful to God, the Universe, for conspiring to make everything work in your favour for your highest good. Although it may have not manifested in the physical yet, but best believe you have already received it in the spiritual. So feel the feeling and awe of being grateful. Continue to praise and thank for the manifestation of your goal. Be thankful.

Match the vibration. Only focus on behaving like your goal has already manifested. The way you think, dress, talk and behave should reflect the the type of standard only accepted by that person who’s already living the said dream.. Take daily steps to match the vibration. For example, if your goal is financial freedom, then match the vibration by having an abundant mindset, you cannot say ‘i’m broke, i don’t have enough, that’s too expensive’ etc.. Your mindset and behaviour should shift to ‘the Universe is abundant, money is in constant flow, i have what i want when i need it’ and you can shift your behaviour by sharing more or not being stingy ect..

Surrender. Now surrender, Release the need to control how your goal manifests. Believe that you have already reached your goal in the spiritual and you’re only waiting for it to manifest in the physical. Its already yours. Doubts may try to creep in but rest in knowing that your blessing is on its way in the physical. By doubting, you confuse the Universe and send the vibration that you don’t to reach your goal or you’re not capable and deserving. Remember everything is energy. So surrender and continue to be in a positive state of mind.

Its all yours. I’m rooting for you!

Love Nothando x

Be honest with yourself…

‘’Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest’’ -Brene Brown

I  must admit in this social media age it is so easy to get caught up behind the façade of faking appearances. With our Instagram pages coordinated to the t and everything appearing somewhat perfect, we may find ourselves forgetting that things may not always be as they seem and life is never really perfect, I believe the true beauty of life lies in its imperfections.

Yes everyone knows that things are not always as they seem on social media but we may find ourselves desperately trying to keep up appearances while deep down we are losing it or we may be guilty of comparing our lives, not being satisfied or in the extreme cases feeling depressed because our lives and social Instagram pages are not as pretty as the next girl.

In order to begin the journey to personal development and transformation, I believe its extremely important to be honest with yourself. Sit down, grab yourself a pen and a notepad, a cup of tea or if you’re like me, that bottle of Barefoot’s Pink Moscato, pour yourself a glass and really think. Think of where you are in life right now, be honest to yourself about the stage you’re at. What are your flaws and what do you need to work on in order to reach your goals? Are you reckless with spending? Do you suffer from the fear of missing out? Do you indulge a little too much in gossip? Do you procrastinate and find yourself distracting yourself with endless social media scrolling or are you just not living up to your true potential and scared to take the necessary steps?

Being honest with yourself about where you are right now makes it clearer for you to figure out where you want to go and what steps you need to take in order to get there. I will always mention this, no one is perfect (although some hide it more than others) we are all on a journey, trying our hardest to be the best we can. Being honest about where you are in life will not only ground you and be that reality check but it will motivate you and propel you towards being that phenomenal woman that your higher self is desperately cheering you on to become.

You can do this babe!

Love Nothando x

(visuals from Solange Knowles’ Cranes in the Sky) *I do not own any rights to these images*

Welcome.. a journey begins

So I’ve finally decided to create a women’s empowerment platform. This step has been rather daunting I must admit, there’s women empowerment groups EVERYWHERE and so many blogs on the internet! Yet somehow I feel I have a lot to share, women to reach and lives to change.

I have a story worth sharing, lessons worth mentioning and although I’m still on my phenomenal woman journey, I feel that creating this platform will not only empower and uplift others but it will also empower myself to walk my talk and live my truth.

So I encourage you to walk this journey with me, lets be phenomenal together. On this blog I will discuss personal development and transformation, levelling up, self love, financial freedom, relationships and spirituality. Consider me that sister that will give you loving advice, motivation and sometimes the cold hard truth that will force you into a more positive way of thinking.

I also welcome your input, so leave comments, message me and voice your opinions. This is a platform for you and me after all.

love Nothando x